I knew what to do- So why was I sabotaging myself? My journey redefining what matters

The Success Trap No One Warns You About

For a long time, I thought I had it all figured out.

I had built a successful career in sales. The money was good, the flexibility was there, and from the outside, it looked like I was thriving. This was what success was supposed to feel like, right?

For a decade, I chased financial success and the next big thing. I had grown comfortable with the money I was making, and I kept looking for the next opportunity to level up. I did everything I was supposed to do—working harder, pushing for bigger deals, staying focused on growth.

But then, something shifted.

I stopped being consistent. I started making excuses, procrastinating, avoiding the very habits that had helped me succeed. It didn’t make sense.

I had read all the books. I had attended all the workshops. I had literally walked across hot coals and eaten fire at seminars to prove my commitment to personal growth. 

So why was I sabotaging myself?

I didn’t know the answer yet, but one thing was clear: I was burnt out.

I felt like there had to be more to life than this endless sales treadmill—more than chasing commissions and closing deals. I didn’t feel like my work was meaningful, and deep down, I didn’t feel valued.

I wanted to make an impact. I just didn’t know how.

The Great Wolf Lodge Moment: When Everything Changed

One night, my family and I were staying at Great Wolf Lodge. [In case you’re not familiar, it’s a kids’ lodge-themed resort with an indoor waterpark.] Everyone else was asleep, but I couldn’t shut my brain off.

I sat alone, notebook in hand, trying to figure out why I felt so stuck.

📌 I know what to do.
📌 I know what actions will get me the results I want.
📌 So why am I not following through?

That was the moment it hit me—knowing what to do isn’t enough.

I had spent years studying what high performers did, but I never stopped to ask myself why some habits stick and others don’t.

I wasn’t struggling because I lacked discipline or motivation. I was struggling because I was out of alignment.

I was chasing success, but it wasn’t my definition of success. And that realization changed everything.

Within a week, I made a decision that terrified me—I left behind my career to go back to graduate school and study the psychology of human performance.

Here is what I learned…

Lesson #1: Self-Awareness is the Foundation of Success

When I look back now, the reason I was stuck is obvious:

I had spent years optimizing for someone else’s definition of success.

I had never stopped to ask myself:
💡 What actually drives me?
💡 What work excites me instead of draining me?
💡 Am I chasing success or fulfillment?

I had defined my self-worth by my financial success. That’s why leaving my career felt so terrifying—it wasn’t just about starting over. It was about redefining my identity.

That’s what self-awareness really is—understanding what actually matters to you, not just what you’ve been told matters.

🔹 The Shift: Instead of measuring success by my income, I started measuring it by how aligned I felt with my values and the impact I was making.

🔹 What You Can Do: Ask yourself—are you chasing external markers of success, or have you actually defined success on your own terms?

Lesson #2: Willpower Always Fails (But Alignment Wins)

For years, I had forced myself to be disciplined. I thought success was about pushing harder, grinding more, and outworking everyone else.

But willpower is a finite resource—it runs out. Also, extrinsic rewards (e.g. money, recognition, toys) become less motivating after a certain point.

That’s why I kept sabotaging myself. It wasn’t that I had suddenly become lazy or undisciplined. I had lost my internal motivation.

When I finally made the decision to go back to school, something strange happened.

The procrastination? It disappeared.
The excuses? Gone.
The resistance I had felt for years? No longer there.

Not because I suddenly had more discipline—but because my actions were finally aligned with something I cared about.

🔹 The Shift: Success isn’t about grinding harder—it’s about designing your life so the right actions feel natural, not forced.

🔹 What You Can Do: If you’re struggling with inconsistency, ask yourself—are you relying on discipline, or do you actually want what you’re chasing?

Lesson #3: Meaning and Purpose Sustain Motivation

At the peak of my sales career, I was making good money—but I still felt empty. I kept thinking, “There has to be more than this.”

I realized my work had no deeper meaning for me. I wasn’t making an impact. I wasn’t helping people in a way that felt personally fulfilling.

I asked myself:

💡 If money weren’t an issue, what work would I do for free?

The answer was immediate.

I would study high performance and help others implement what I learned.

That was my moment of clarity. Success without meaning is empty. And no amount of money can fill that void.

🔹 The Shift: Instead of optimizing for money, I started optimizing for impact.

🔹 What You Can Do: Ask yourself—does your work energize you or drain you? If it drains you, it’s time to rethink what success means to you.

The Path Forward: Success is About Alignment

That night at Great Wolf Lodge changed everything for me.

I realized:
✔ Knowing what to do isn’t enough—you need alignment.
✔ Willpower isn’t the answer—motivation comes from meaning.
✔ Chasing external success leads to burnout—real success comes from within.

So, if you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself:

• Do I truly understand what drives me? 
• Am I chasing success on my own terms?
• Do I have a big enough WHY to sustain long-term motivation?

For me, the answer became clear once I looked inward. That’s what led me to earn my master’s and doctorate in performance psychology.

Not just to understand how high performers succeed—but to understand why we get stuck and how to break through.

Because success isn’t about working harder.

✅ It’s about alignment.
✅ It’s about using your natural strengths.
✅ It’s about building a career that fuels you instead of draining you.

🔹Final Thought: You don’t have to wait for burnout to make a change. Take time today to ask yourself—are you actually aligned with what you want? If not, what’s one small shift you can make?

Because one shift can change everything. It did for me.